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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?